12-12-06

He must have gotten scared off. I was wearing his shirt all day and maybe he's worried I'm obsessing. The remote thief left again yesterday morning after they had sex. She wonders if maybe he found a real girlfriend rather than the pretend girlfriend she seems to be. Hoping she didn't scare him off she worries that he is running away from her like her girlfriend said he would. Her girlfriend has been friends with him for years and told her that he falls hard and then runs like he's afraid of being in love. When he doesn't come back when he says he will she's afraid he's doing just that, running away...but the fear of him being picked up scares her even more. Yes she wants him to take care of the things he needs to but she also wants him to be able to spend the holidays with his family and his nights sharing her bed. It's not just the sex (the fucking awesome sex) she wants but she also enjoys his company. Having him around makes her feel safe. She hates not having a man in the house. Taking care of herself is not a problem, she can hold her own if she has to. But there is something about having a male present that makes her feel that security she so desperatly needs. She lies in bed thinking about him and worrying about him. Thoughts of sex lights (cause you know when you see them someone is getting fucked) and sirens fill her mind and then thoughts of him with someone else makes her sad. As he said before Too bad you're married. (in the words of Sandra Bullock, You think I'm gorgeous, you wanna date me, you wanna kiss me...) Then again he is too. The skank, unworthy to bear and have his children, is still his wife unfortunatly for him. As her girlfriend put it, I hate that bitch with a bloody fucking passion. (My sentiments exactly and i don't even know the skank.) She wishes he was here right now lying beside her with his strong arms holding her. When he's with her she knows he's not in jail or with someone else. When he's with her she knows that he is hers if only for the time he's there. She misses him.
The oldest teeny tiny broke out in a fever yesterday morning and told her she had a headache. So she gave her some children's tylenol and checked her temp every half hour or so but it kept climbing. When it got up to 103 she decided it was time to take her teeny tiny to the urgent care center so she called her surrogate mother to take them. Three hours later she had a prescription for amoxocillan and a miserable little girl. The strep throat she had a couple weeks ago had spread to her poor teeny tiny. Unfortunatly by the time they got out of urgent care it was too late to fill the prescription. In less than 4 hours she has to be up to watch the ex-boss's daughter's kids because she has a job interview. She contemplates going to sleep but the insomnia, ever constant, won't let her. Her mind won't slow down enough for sleep to come. If he was here I might be able to sleep. Mostly because he's the prominent reason I can't. He's not there to ease her troubled mind because she doesn't know where he is. Maybe I am obsessing but I can't help it...that's what I do. She decides she might as well try to catch some shut eye before the hellions come to reign. Try being the operative word.
Having slept a few hours she woke up in a bad mood and decided she was done with worrying about the remote thief. She gathered up all the stuff of his she could find and put it on the chair in the living room. She is tired of him telling her one thing and him doing something totally different. It upsets her and she just doesn't want to do it anymore. She'll miss the sex but she'll live. Sex isn't everything. If it was she wouldn't be kicking him to the curb.
But later that day she got a message from him saying he was sorry he didn't come back because he's a mommas boy so of course she caved. She decides that kicking him out is a little harsh. Not only that but she doesn't want to kick him out she was just cranky this morning and he made her mad by not being there. The roomie was begging her to just tell him to fuck off.