Old Friends, New Chances. 2-20-08

I have made my resolutions. One of them is to repair the bridges that I have burned with certain friends. Another is to burn the bridges of friendships that are destroying me. In the last few weeks I have gotten ahold of a few friends that I haven't talked to in a while. I miss the friendships I had with these people who have always been true friends. I have very few true friends. At the moment I can only really think of two or three friends that despite any problems we've had, that I can call TRUE friends. Those who would bend over backwards to help and be there when I need them. Those who have never done anything to hurt me, never told me more than little white lies, who have never stolen from me (without permission). These are the people that I need in life. My best friend in the whole world, my sister, my lust object, Meegan. My ex girlfriend, best friend since highschool, my first female lover, Ahmee. My best friend since middle school, who because of stupid circumstances I haven't talked to in two years but have just made amends, Sammy Squirrel. These are people that I love more than life itself because I know that though I may never be able to ask them for help in monetary matters, (cause face it, we's all nuttin but po' white folk) I know I can count on these people to love me, despite my stupidity, give me advice when I need it, make me laugh when I feel like jumping off the nearest bridge, and will never make me feel like I need to jump off in the first place. I hope that I can be the same to them.Then there are those who despite everything I have done for them, despite the long nights listening to them cry on the phone, despite the place that I have given them to live or hang out...there are those who have done nothing over the years but lie to me, steal from me, and been burdens upon my heart and mind. Regardless of the fun times we ever had and the minimal help they may have given, the bad outweighs any good that has come of these relationships. I have decided to cut the ties to these destructive friendships because my heart can no longer take the hurt, physically or emotionally. I can't handle the stress that it puts on my heart to deal with the stupidity of other people. So if any of those "friends" read this, (they will remain nameless for they know who they are) I bind you from doing harm to me and my family. I cast you off and remove you from my life. I hope that you can remove your craniums from your rectums and make something of your lives, because I will no longer allow you to bring mine down to your depths. So to those who love me, I love you too. To those who shit on me, I shit on you. I'm moving to bigger and better things and nothing is going to jepardize that ever again.

No More Burger King. 2-18-08

Well I worked my last day at the Madrona Burger King. I gave my two weeks notice and today was my very last day. I hate the fact that I have to leave but I'm glad that I no longer have to deal with people who think that I'm an idiot just because I worked fast food. I was taking one of my last orders in drive thru tonight and the woman ordered two Whopper Jr.'s. I asked her if that was everything and I swear I heard her say that was all so I told her the total was $2 at the window. She rudely said "I wasn't finished" and then proceeded to call me an idiot. My manager actually gave me permission to tell her off (because it was my last day) but I controlled myself, finished taking her order and told her her total. She came to the window and a co-worker collected as I was expediting her food. As I was expediting I was talking to my co-worker in the kitchen loudly (for there was no one in the lobby, thank god) and said "Fuck that stupid bitch. She wants to call me an idiot she can go somewhere else." Hoping that the idiot bitch at the window heard me and said something else to give me a real good reason to tell her ass off. But she said nothing so I said nothing to her face (because sad to say, I'm a pussy like that) and she got her food. But that is just peachy with me and hindsight's always 20/20 but what I should have done when she called me an idiot was to politely tell her to fuck off (not in those words exactly because I actually would like to go back there someday and work again) and get her food somewhere else. I love the people I work with and I love the job. I hate the customers I have to deal with sometimes, but people like that make me want to jump out the drive-thru window, strangle the stupid person who thinks that just because I work fast food I'm a fucking retard, jump back through the window and up onto front counter to pull my pants down, take a huge shit on the counter, and run out of the building screaming maniacally about the worms eating my skin...Needless to say those types of people drive me crazy. But then there are the sweet old people who come in at the same time every other night, order the exact same thing every time, who are polite and curteous even if we fuck up their order, and treat us as though we are people and not dumb animals put on the planet to serve their every need....those are the types of people that make me glad to be a fast food worker and make me enjoy the job that I no longer do. So that is my rant and rave for the day, do with it what you will.

Friends. 11-30-07

Why do people have to be so stupid sometimes? I had a friend who did nothing but tear me down, lie to me and steal from me. I kept forgiving and she just kept slamming on the crap. I have done alot for her and I rarely got anything in return besides lies and drama. The last fight we had was the LAST fight we will ever have because she stepped way over the line. You don't threaten someones family and then expect for things to go back to normal. She has a problem with my boyfriend. She seems to have it in her head that he pretty much controls my every move. News flash!!! I am my own person. No one controls me. I make my own decisions based on what I know and what would be good for me or my family. I may be slack on some points but what i do is what I do because I want to do it. And what I don't do is what I don't do because I don't want to do it. Not because someone else influences or "controls" me. I've quit smoking pot because alot of my attitude and slackness stems from it. Not because my boyfriend doesn't like it...(which he doesn't, even though he says he doesn't care). The aforementioned friend has stated that I chose him over a torrential 6 year friendship with her. The fact of the matter is I chose stability over chaos. She tells me that I have become a bad mother since I've been with him, that my house is filthy and that all I do is sit around and wait for him to come home, and that when he is home I spend all my time with him. I admit I have let the housework slip and that I don't spend every second of every day with my kids. But I also work to keep a roof over their heads, food in their stomachs and clothes on their backs. There are 5 people living in this house. Not one of them seems to pick up after themselves (including me) unless I feel like starting shit and getting on people's asses. On my days off i don't feel like doing anything. Not many people do. The point though is that I'm a better mother than some. My kids are the world to me. No man or woman is more important. As for the friend, I am done with her drama. I am done with the shit she has put me through and the shit she would put me through if I remained friends with her. I can't deal with the deceit and thievery and the constant drama drama drama. I'm starting a new life with new friends and a new attitude. No one will bring me down again.

Hurtful words

shes not mine and you know it. maybe youll have a better chance with one of the many guys that you fucked while i was gone.

say hi to the state for me, im sorry but i realy dont think she is mine. and its not like you werent fucking anyone else besides me, i dont even belive that you only fuck the old bald guy i am willing to bet u fucked at least 5 differant pepole when i was gone. how about you see if they look like her.

send the paper work i dont think that i should pay for a kid that isent mine and i might be an asshole right now but your a hore and thats always been the problem.
you never had respect for me. if you had given me the respect that i deserve you wouldent have fucked god knows who when i went away for 6 weeks and then got knocked up by one of the many and now you dont know who the fatther is so your only hope is that its mine cause you priobly dident even ask the guys name cause "you were drinking" and fucked the first guy that showed intrest the veary night we broke, my only regret is letting you get close to me cause i should have know you were just like the rest......... but who fucking knows maybe is me, i realy dont care anymore. and if you think im being an asshole i dont care cause women just like you made me this way, maybe if you want a nice guy you should stop trying to fuck them over.

Danee Grimes: The only reason I want to get the paternity test done is so that I can prove to you that you are the father. I want nothing to do with you and you will have nothing to do with her.
Dick: well i still dont belive that shes mine
Danee Grimes: That's fine.
Danee Grimes: I really don't care if you do
Dick: but if you dicide to tell her that im her dad the u better get prof
Danee Grimes: Josh is her dad. She will never know her father.
Dick: probly not
Dick: but what when shes older
Dick: she will find out on her own
Dick: every one does
Danee Grimes: I'll tell her when she's older and I will make sure she knows you didn't want her
Dick: well thats up to u if i thought there was even a chance she was mine than i would want to see her so if you insist all claming me the father then best let her know that u dont know for sure
Danee Grimes: I'll have the test. It will be done.
Dick: k
Dick: well i guess ill let you go
Dick: catch ya latter
Danee Grimes: Yeah whatever.
Dick (8/12/2007 3:24:31 AM): hello
Danee Grimes (8/12/2007 3:24:36 AM): hi
Dick (8/12/2007 3:24:55 AM): so how are u
Danee Grimes (8/12/2007 3:25:03 AM): alive
Danee Grimes (8/12/2007 3:25:34 AM): and you?
Dick (8/12/2007 3:25:41 AM): and kicking
Danee Grimes (8/12/2007 3:26:14 AM): sounds like a party...without the balloons
Dick (8/12/2007 3:26:32 AM): so what u been up to
Danee Grimes (8/12/2007 3:26:50 AM): workin, sleeping, taking care of the kids
Dick (8/12/2007 3:27:29 AM): yep
Danee Grimes (8/12/2007 3:28:09 AM): that's pretty much my day in day out
Dick (8/12/2007 3:28:19 AM): yeah
Dick (8/12/2007 3:28:28 AM): not much here
Danee Grimes (8/12/2007 3:29:15 AM): so i heard aundrea and brian aren't together anymore
Dick (8/12/2007 3:29:33 AM): yeah
Dick (8/12/2007 3:30:01 AM): they and i meen she dicided it wasent working
Danee Grimes (8/12/2007 3:30:42 AM): oh well. wasn't meant to be i guess
Dick (8/12/2007 3:30:45 AM): i love cancer
Danee Grimes (8/12/2007 3:31:12 AM): cancer is wonderful
Danee Grimes (8/12/2007 3:31:56 AM): did you get the email i sent you?
Dick (8/12/2007 3:32:09 AM): for the pics yes
Danee Grimes (8/12/2007 3:33:45 AM): when they finally send me the fuckin paper work that they seem to want to take their own sweet time in sending, i'll be sending it to you.
Dick (8/12/2007 3:33:59 AM): ok
Danee Grimes (8/12/2007 3:35:08 AM): I want to ask you a very serious question.
Dick (8/12/2007 3:35:15 AM): ok
Danee Grimes (8/12/2007 3:36:04 AM): If she's yours would you be willing to sign papers giving up your parental rights?
Dick (8/12/2007 3:36:18 AM): i dont know
Dick (8/12/2007 3:36:48 AM): maybe on some condisions
Danee Grimes (8/12/2007 3:36:56 AM): what conditions?
Dick (8/12/2007 3:37:37 AM): when she is old enuf she is told about me that i exsist and would like to meet her
Danee Grimes (8/12/2007 3:38:59 AM): That is something i'd have to think long and hard about.
Dick (8/12/2007 3:39:09 AM): k
Dick (8/12/2007 3:39:18 AM): thats my point
Danee Grimes (8/12/2007 3:39:33 AM): what do you mean that's your point?
Dick (8/12/2007 3:40:54 AM): if she is mine the only way i would do that is if u realy wanted that and i would want her to know me when she turned 18
Danee Grimes (8/12/2007 3:41:53 AM): what's the point if you aren't going to be in her life. That is the whole point of giving up your parental rights
Dick (8/12/2007 3:42:35 AM): you dont think she would want to know?
Danee Grimes (8/12/2007 3:43:01 AM): As far as i'm concerned she'd never have to know.
Dick (8/12/2007 3:44:40 AM): i think she would
Danee Grimes (8/12/2007 3:47:56 AM): There is no reason for her to ever know.
Dick (8/12/2007 3:48:26 AM): well thats the condishion i would want
Danee Grimes (8/12/2007 3:49:35 AM): Her birthday is next month.
Dick (8/12/2007 3:49:42 AM): ok
Danee Grimes (8/12/2007 3:53:08 AM): What are you going to tell her when she asks why you weren't there?
Dick (8/12/2007 3:53:39 AM): about me and her heritage
Dick (8/12/2007 3:54:35 AM): if she asks about us ill just say that was a long time ago
Danee Grimes (8/12/2007 3:55:09 AM): did you look at the pictures?
Dick (8/12/2007 3:55:23 AM): yes she looks the same to me
Danee Grimes (8/12/2007 3:56:30 AM): I think she looks just like you.
Dick (8/12/2007 3:57:34 AM): ok well we'll see
Danee Grimes (8/12/2007 3:57:54 AM): I'm going to bed now. Ttyl.

04-24-07

It's another one of those days. She sits in the McDonalds on Lancaster and wants to pass out. She didn't go to bed the night before because she had to get up early this morning to go to an appointment just to find out that she didn't even need to be there. Since she had other things to do she decided to go and get them done rather than doing what she wanted to do which was go home and sleep for a week. After she is done she may be able to go home and sleep a bit but its very doubtful because she has two little demon children she has to take care of. The poor noodle was coughing all night and the spawn is hyperactive and about ready to explode. One good thing this week is she gets to start working. (*hopefully*) Her oldest younger sister is turning 17 today. It makes her feel old just thinking about it. She sometimes just wants to go back to the good old days when things were so much simpler. The only kids she ever had to take care of back then weren't her own so she had a bit more freedom. (*kissing gets you pregnant*)
The past couple months have been the best and the worst. The puppy eyed ex seems to have made out a vendetta against her for things beyond her control. The horrible names and accusations he made hurt her more than him practically sloughing off his duty to his child. When he came to visit he was all for taking the paternity test. In the two weeks he was back home his mind changed dramatically and he denied his daughter. She couldn't believe the words that he said to her over the emails sent. (*When are you gonna send me your address?* *I don't see why, she's not mine and you know it* *No I don't know it and neither do you. Stop being a pussy ass mother fucker and take the test.*) The name calling and viciousness ensued and his words angered and hurt her. And so she vowed that he would pay for this injustice that he wrought upon her and the noodle. That was probably the worst part of the past couple months.
The best part was when she started hanging out with the milk man more. His sweet words and deeds have helped her rise above the past and start anew. He makes her feel happy, sexy, loved and safe. They started hanging out around christmas, talking and having the occasional escapade every so often till it became clear to them both that the relationship they had was more than just friends with benefits and the escapades became more often than not.

Here’s how my day went. I got up at 8:15 to take cans and bottles back so that I would have bus money to get to Steve’s court date on time. We ended up getting a ride from Michelle after dropping off Koban at 9:30. At 10:30 we piled into the car and drove to the courthouse downtown. We sat on a bench for about 20 minutes waiting for his lawyer to arrive. Then we sat another hour before we actually went into the court room. The D.A. was a total bitch. (then again aren’t they all?) Judge Rhoades sent Steve to prison for 18 months. I spent the rest of the day cleaning and rearranging and trying not to go crazy. They wouldn’t even let me say goodbye to him.

She sits at her computer listening to Mad World because it reminds her of the puppy eyed ex but she's thinking about the remote thief. He left the day before and said he'd be back that night . He still hasn't shown up and she worries that he got picked up for his warrant or that he just felt like disappearing and won't be back for a while. It saddens her because she feels strongly for her sweet sexy remote thief. She wants to call it love but she's afraid to. As she's writing he rings the door bell and she feels much better. She missed him for many different reasons. She has been wearing his shirt since yesterday. She's super horny and all he seems to want to do is sleep. How sad she thinks and opens another Dr. Pepper. But at least he's here and not in jail. The thought makes her feel a little better but she still wants to just jump his bones and have hot and wild. Unfortunatly he doesn't seem the least bit interested. Oh well...I may just have to wait till I wake up in a few hours.