Old Friends, New Chances. 2-20-08

I have made my resolutions. One of them is to repair the bridges that I have burned with certain friends. Another is to burn the bridges of friendships that are destroying me. In the last few weeks I have gotten ahold of a few friends that I haven't talked to in a while. I miss the friendships I had with these people who have always been true friends. I have very few true friends. At the moment I can only really think of two or three friends that despite any problems we've had, that I can call TRUE friends. Those who would bend over backwards to help and be there when I need them. Those who have never done anything to hurt me, never told me more than little white lies, who have never stolen from me (without permission). These are the people that I need in life. My best friend in the whole world, my sister, my lust object, Meegan. My ex girlfriend, best friend since highschool, my first female lover, Ahmee. My best friend since middle school, who because of stupid circumstances I haven't talked to in two years but have just made amends, Sammy Squirrel. These are people that I love more than life itself because I know that though I may never be able to ask them for help in monetary matters, (cause face it, we's all nuttin but po' white folk) I know I can count on these people to love me, despite my stupidity, give me advice when I need it, make me laugh when I feel like jumping off the nearest bridge, and will never make me feel like I need to jump off in the first place. I hope that I can be the same to them.Then there are those who despite everything I have done for them, despite the long nights listening to them cry on the phone, despite the place that I have given them to live or hang out...there are those who have done nothing over the years but lie to me, steal from me, and been burdens upon my heart and mind. Regardless of the fun times we ever had and the minimal help they may have given, the bad outweighs any good that has come of these relationships. I have decided to cut the ties to these destructive friendships because my heart can no longer take the hurt, physically or emotionally. I can't handle the stress that it puts on my heart to deal with the stupidity of other people. So if any of those "friends" read this, (they will remain nameless for they know who they are) I bind you from doing harm to me and my family. I cast you off and remove you from my life. I hope that you can remove your craniums from your rectums and make something of your lives, because I will no longer allow you to bring mine down to your depths. So to those who love me, I love you too. To those who shit on me, I shit on you. I'm moving to bigger and better things and nothing is going to jepardize that ever again.

No More Burger King. 2-18-08

Well I worked my last day at the Madrona Burger King. I gave my two weeks notice and today was my very last day. I hate the fact that I have to leave but I'm glad that I no longer have to deal with people who think that I'm an idiot just because I worked fast food. I was taking one of my last orders in drive thru tonight and the woman ordered two Whopper Jr.'s. I asked her if that was everything and I swear I heard her say that was all so I told her the total was $2 at the window. She rudely said "I wasn't finished" and then proceeded to call me an idiot. My manager actually gave me permission to tell her off (because it was my last day) but I controlled myself, finished taking her order and told her her total. She came to the window and a co-worker collected as I was expediting her food. As I was expediting I was talking to my co-worker in the kitchen loudly (for there was no one in the lobby, thank god) and said "Fuck that stupid bitch. She wants to call me an idiot she can go somewhere else." Hoping that the idiot bitch at the window heard me and said something else to give me a real good reason to tell her ass off. But she said nothing so I said nothing to her face (because sad to say, I'm a pussy like that) and she got her food. But that is just peachy with me and hindsight's always 20/20 but what I should have done when she called me an idiot was to politely tell her to fuck off (not in those words exactly because I actually would like to go back there someday and work again) and get her food somewhere else. I love the people I work with and I love the job. I hate the customers I have to deal with sometimes, but people like that make me want to jump out the drive-thru window, strangle the stupid person who thinks that just because I work fast food I'm a fucking retard, jump back through the window and up onto front counter to pull my pants down, take a huge shit on the counter, and run out of the building screaming maniacally about the worms eating my skin...Needless to say those types of people drive me crazy. But then there are the sweet old people who come in at the same time every other night, order the exact same thing every time, who are polite and curteous even if we fuck up their order, and treat us as though we are people and not dumb animals put on the planet to serve their every need....those are the types of people that make me glad to be a fast food worker and make me enjoy the job that I no longer do. So that is my rant and rave for the day, do with it what you will.

Friends. 11-30-07

Why do people have to be so stupid sometimes? I had a friend who did nothing but tear me down, lie to me and steal from me. I kept forgiving and she just kept slamming on the crap. I have done alot for her and I rarely got anything in return besides lies and drama. The last fight we had was the LAST fight we will ever have because she stepped way over the line. You don't threaten someones family and then expect for things to go back to normal. She has a problem with my boyfriend. She seems to have it in her head that he pretty much controls my every move. News flash!!! I am my own person. No one controls me. I make my own decisions based on what I know and what would be good for me or my family. I may be slack on some points but what i do is what I do because I want to do it. And what I don't do is what I don't do because I don't want to do it. Not because someone else influences or "controls" me. I've quit smoking pot because alot of my attitude and slackness stems from it. Not because my boyfriend doesn't like it...(which he doesn't, even though he says he doesn't care). The aforementioned friend has stated that I chose him over a torrential 6 year friendship with her. The fact of the matter is I chose stability over chaos. She tells me that I have become a bad mother since I've been with him, that my house is filthy and that all I do is sit around and wait for him to come home, and that when he is home I spend all my time with him. I admit I have let the housework slip and that I don't spend every second of every day with my kids. But I also work to keep a roof over their heads, food in their stomachs and clothes on their backs. There are 5 people living in this house. Not one of them seems to pick up after themselves (including me) unless I feel like starting shit and getting on people's asses. On my days off i don't feel like doing anything. Not many people do. The point though is that I'm a better mother than some. My kids are the world to me. No man or woman is more important. As for the friend, I am done with her drama. I am done with the shit she has put me through and the shit she would put me through if I remained friends with her. I can't deal with the deceit and thievery and the constant drama drama drama. I'm starting a new life with new friends and a new attitude. No one will bring me down again.